Circle Practice and Facilitation

The Talking Circle is the process of sitting in a circle, passing a talking stick. Who holds the stick may speak; others pay attention. When performed regularly and with intention, this deceptively simple practice can be the heart and soul of a couple, a family, a community, a nation.

The process is as old as the natural grouping of a family or band in a circle around the fire. In preparing to introduce or teach this process, we must respect its history and refrain from falling into the trap of thinking that we're doing something new or unique. Rather, the circle has largely been lost in the disintegration of family and community which has been our history, and the task before us is a rediscovery of the true nature of this simple process. The path is occluded by the proliferation of things called “councils” - County Council, the You-Name-It Industry Council, there are thousands of them. These councils exhibit a few of the outward characteristics of the ancient practice, such as taking turns speaking or arranging participants in a circle. However, for the most part these are groups convened to vote on various specific exercises of power, being satisfied with a simple majority to whose decision the minority is subjugated. These are more akin to the old War Councils than to the family circle practice, yet even in a War Council consensus rather than majority rule was often the decision method.

In contrast, the Talking Circle was the group practice by which a family or community reached consensus. Until consensus was reached no decision was made, no matter how long it took. In the Hawaiian ho'o ponopono, for example, when performed in “the old way”, it was not unusual for the process to take several days. The full participation and harmonious incorporation of every family member was held to be the highest priority - more important than getting to work, catching the latest episode of American Idol, or anything else.

The Talking Circle is at root a spiritual practice, and when treated as such over the course of time it can stimulate and strengthen the participants' awareness of their deepest connection to each other and to the world around them. Families and organizations that use a circle regularly experience a level of cooperation and natural communication that appears almost extrasensory to those outside the circle. With enough practice together, council participants get to know each other in a way that transcends the momentary sensory perceptions, and to perceive fine nuances in the expression of inner life. Consensus is achieved by shared experience, not by debate or exchange of beliefs. This shared experience is co-created by the participants in the circle, of which these are the essential elements:

Authenticity, honesty. As participants drop their protective masks and communicate “from the heart”, communication becomes deeper and trust accumulates as participants share more of themselves.

Risk-taking. As each participant decides to take the risk of exposing one's true thoughts and feelings, trust builds as each risk-taker makes it safer for the next participant to share deeply, both by setting an example which may widen the perceived context of safety, and by demonstrating that lightning does not strike when one opens up and shares deeply.

Visibility. Through both explicit direct feedback and recognition of the parallels in our life experiences, council participants gain a sense of being truly seen by each other.

Natural cooperation. Over the course of some experience with this process, participants grow to value the trust and trusting, exposure and visibility, and genuine communication, and to realize that these valued experiences depend upon a cooperative agreement to operate with each other in a way that supports those values. I discover that if I am willing to listen attentively and heartfully, I am helping to create in you the experience of being truly heard, which of course I value greatly when it's my turn.

Synergy. Three children playing jump rope are creating a synergistic value based on natural cooperation. The two who are spinning the ropes must coordinate carefully with each other and with the jumper. The jumper, of course, must coordinate with both of them. All three experience a growing excitement as their co-created “run” gets longer and longer. The value of this experience is greater than the sum of the individual parts - you can imagine the experience of doing each of the three roles by yourself. This same synergistic effect occurs regularly in the circle - there is a shared sense of excitement that comes from the realization that we are keeping something going that requires balance and coordination, focus, intention, and visibility - and that there is no way a single person could accomplish this alone.

A circle does take on a synergistic life of its own and it is important for someone in the circle to pay attention to the nature of that life, for many reasons. The content can tend to spin far away from the intended subject. Some participants may be unable or unwilling to give the kind of attention that is needed. One particularly powerful statement will often have a noticeable effect on the participation of those who follow it. None of these necessarily requires any action on the part of the facilitator, but it is important that someone in the circle is conscious of them and able to make small adjustments if called for; just as in the game of jump rope, a small misstep by the jumper or a hitch by one of the spinners need not break the run, but it's necessary to be aware of these things and to make a choice about whether and how far to adjust, for the sake of keeping the whole circle turning.

This is the challenge of being a facilitator: to continue to spin or jump as appropriate, neither withdrawing into the role of a watcher nor plunging into the role of a dominator, while simultaneously being authentic in one's own experience and sensitive to the shared experience of everyone in the circle.

Soluna provides council facilitation, training for facilitators, and council-related coaching for couples, families, and businesses.